Grow some girl-balls and come out already
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
