dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
