watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
