I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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