Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
