I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
