So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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