i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
