hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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