How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
