We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
