found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
