Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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