when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
