did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
