My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
