yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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