I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
