I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
