Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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