you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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