Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
