Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
