yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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