My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
