oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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