Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
