the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
