Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
