his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The best revenge is premature balding
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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