Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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