he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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