I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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