Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
