well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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