I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
