Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
