apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
