i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
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