This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
