My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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