Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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