I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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