Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
