you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
