One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
