I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just cropdusted the office
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
