remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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