just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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