He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
