I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
