It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
