As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
